Yesterday I ran 15 miserable miles all because I let my mind get the best of me! I came back from California with some sort of respiratory/flu sickness and was not able to train once this past week. I woke up Saturday morning with low hopes and expectations. I was already thinking from the start that this run was going to be a tough one. And let me tell you... IT WAS. By mile 4 I think I had already given up, which made the remaining 11 miles a challenge.
As I was attempting to tackle that first hill for the second time I fell a good quarter mile behind Kristi, Jen and that boy I secretly wanted to punch in the face for never running more than 3 miles his whole life and then running 15, ahead of me, without breaking a sweat! Anyway, this random lady comes running down the hill that I'm panting up, and says to me, "Wow... your friends are down the hill and almost around the corner, you'd better hurry up." I was NOT in the mood for her or her comment. Before I could even process the words in my brain I swear they came out my mouth and in the meanest, most sarcastic tone ever I said to her, "Yeah, I noticed and thank you for rubbing it in." We exchanged glares and kept running.
As I kept running I knew I had to do something. I was making myself miserable. I tried and tried to change my way of thinking, but to no avail. I've decided it's much easier said than done. I knew had to finish so I just kept trucking along. I found myself cutting corners, taking short cuts and cheating myself out of 15 glorious miles. By mile 13 I was finally feeling better and really guilty for not running the full distance. I don't know what I was thinking, but I decided I had to make up for all my lost mileage, so I ran a few extra blocks around the strange Amish-like garden in the Daybreak community.
I was finally feeling great, I knew it was only a mile or less to Kristi's and I was ecstatic. As I was rounding the corner to what I thought was Kristi's street, I realized it wasn't. I was lost and Mellisa had the directions. I ran back trying to see if I could find her, but she was no where to be seen so I just kept running. I talked to 2 or 3 people who didn't know where Kootenai street was so I knew I couldn't be that close. By this point I was back to my previous way of thinking. I was tired, disappointed in my performance and just wanted to be DONE. The last mile probably turned into 2, but I eventually found her house. Kristi is awesome and fed me, her grumpy, non-talkative friend, bagels and chocolate milk which helped lighten my terrible mood. Thanks K-Money!
It's amazing to me that if you give yourself even one little reason to doubt, how it takes over all of your thinking. When I go into a run positive, having confidence because I've trained well that week, I have great runs. When I worry about a pain bothering me or how little I've run during the week, the run and my mind get the better of me. This is the last time I'm letting my mind kick my trash like this. From now on nothing but positive thinking for me! I'm going to train and eat well this week in hopes to gain back some of my running confidence.
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Hang in there Kimmie! I know this week was hard for you, hello...you were sick all week! Train this week and I know you will kill this Saturday! I love training with you!
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