Realization...... HUGE Realization

Two Saturdays ago I finally got up enough oomph and went for a long run. It only ended up being 7 miles. Yes, that is a long run these days. Since December I have been telling myself I was going to run the SLC Marathon this year. Even though training has been less than stellar, ummm way less than stellar, I still had managed to convince myself that I could still do it. However, when I ran that seven miles two Saturdays ago and nearly killed myself, I realized that there is NO WAY I'm going to be able to do the marathon. Just NO WAY. Am I disappointed in myself, TOTALLY. But I feel even worse that I have let Jen down. I have been hands down the worst running partner ever.

So, here's to rockin the half, and being more motivated in the future! (Sounds like you are already motivated to run the Minneapolis!)

Encouragement/Discouragement Requested

Well, this is a bit random, but has anyone ever run the Minneappolis Marathon? Husband and I are thinking of doing it.

Only problem is, well, it's May 31st and I have been training for the SLC half, and not very well at that. Think I could be ready by the end of May for the big one? I looked at the training schedule and it has 12 miles for next Saturday.... and the most I've run this training schedule is 6 miles, and that was 2, yes 2, weeks ago.

So, what do you think? Honestly...

Top 10 Reasons I'm Not Running a Marathon in April

Ok girls...so I have decided that I won't be able to run the marathon in April. Here are my top 10 Reasons to Not run a marathon in April.
10. I haven't trained since January.
9. I don't feel like having black toenails.
8. I have been super busy with work & kids.
7. My knees still bother me if I run longer than 5 miles.
6. My sister had surgery and I want to be able run with her.
5. I am lazy lately.
4. I went through a depression phase in my life.
3. My kids started basketball in Dec and I signed them up for Saturday games.
2. Started dating someone new.
1. Getting Married and going on a Honeymoon in April!!!

Fear...

I don't know what I've been scared of, but something has been stopping me from running. And the longer I went without my running routine, the more fear I had... and I became more and more worried that because I haven't been diligently running, when I finally did, it would be hard and I would get discouraged.

Well, I just got back from a short 4-miler and while I was a little more winded than I should have been, it certainly wasn't anything to be scared of.

Running for me is so much a mental game. If I'm having a rough week (as I have this past week), it effects my confidence running so much.

I won't say I'm completely back on the bandwagon, but I at least have one leg on. Hopefully the other leg will hop on tomorrow.

I suck. period.

Yep, I do. I really really really do. Ask me if I've been diligently training. I'd say no. Ask me how much I run every week lately. I'd say not nearly as much as I should be. Yep, I should get a big fat "L" tatooed on my forehead for "Loser" because basically, that's what I am. And not the cool kind like on the "Biggest Loser." I mean the kind that just sucks.

As typical with most losers, I could give you a gazillion reasons why I haven't been running well: moving, job stress, work schedule changes, life stress, lack of time, and the list could go on-- I'm quite creative. But basically, I've been in a major rut. MAJOR.

And the husband? He's basically kicking my trash. He ran 13 miles on Saturday morning. Ask me how many I ran. I'd say none. I can't believe I'm letting him beat me! Oh, how it kills me to write it-- I hate to get beaten by a boy. Ugh.

Now, all of this said, I am feeling a major motivating factor coming on-- my new home is right next to one super duper amazing trailhead-- with one super duper amazing trail.

So go on, kick me hard, right in the bum. I need it. And.......... go.

I soooo did not want to run yesterday

I knew I needed to, but when I looked outside, it was all rainy and drizzly. I love running in the snow-- not so much in the rain. But my body and mind craved it. Life has been, well, crazy lately. My mind has been full of worry and self doubt, my heart has been heavy, and as much as I was resisting running, I knew it would be just what the doctor ordered. I took a few deep breaths and put on my gear.

I was surprised when I walked outside that it wasn't nearly as cold as it looked. I breathed in the cool, crisp air and was immediately invigorated. And suddenly I was off, my legs took over and started running before my mind could catch up.

The first few miles were rough. So much of running is mental strength, and I was feeling weak. But I kept going, and soon I was in my groove.

The last few miles were perfect. The weather was my favorite type to run in and my thoughts started to mellow.

By the time I made it home, I was a little more back to myself. Refreshed, rejuvinated, and ready to take on what I knew would be a rough day. And it definitely was.

Today, I am much in the same place I was yesterday-- and I know a run will get me back on track because running is something I do for myself and my well-being. Running is the time for me.

Blah...

I ate a lot of junk tonight. And it's all the fault of this, which I watched for this. Between watching and working, the only healthy thing I consumed all night was water. I think I may puke. I'm planning to make up for it tomorrow morning with an awesome run. Anyone else binge on Superbowl goodies?

Just do it.

A post from my personal blog...

6:30am: baby cries.

he finishes eating and for some reason i'm awake. invigorated actually. i imagined what it would be like if i could go for a run. then i realized that i can. it may not be far, and it may be cold, but i can at least try it.

I tip-toed around awkwardly looking for clothes that I haven't worn in awhile. My Nike Pro running tights. My Nike Pro Shirt. My Nike ACG jacket. An ugly hat. My Black Diamond gloves. my socks. My trusty Sauconys. My broken iPod.

I had a half of a chocolate GU and I was off. It was dark. It was cold. But the crisp air woke me up and I was excited.

Hold Tight, by the Chemical Brothers blasted in my ear. I remembered what it was like the morning of the marathon. Dark, cold- feeling nervous. I had no idea how my body was going to perform that day, and no idea today. But my mind made me think I could go for it.

I ran along Wasatch Blvd. I love that run. The cityscape to the west and the mountains to the east blows me away every time.

Why do I love to run?

It makes me feel empowered. To know that not many people like to do it because it's hard. It's really hard. To be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Especially when you have my thoughts. But then, your mind clears and you let go. Your mind and your body are in a constant battle. Most times either one or the other is trying to give up. But you figure it out and keep going. and sometimes you don't. but either way, it's cool.

I went farther than I thought I would and finished strong. I walked up our driveway feeling like I could be a better mom and wife. I forgot about the crappy week I had. I walked through the door to the sound of dad and son giggling in bed. and I realized why i love to run, and where I always want to end up.

don't judge....

Sometimes I listen to Miley Cyrus while I run. I've also been known to allow Hillary Duff to grace my ipod. My new favorite is "Breakout," by Ms. Hannah Montana herself.



And yes, I am fully aware the lyrics say "My parents say I'm lazy. Gettin' up at 8 am's CRA-ZAY." And there is also a reference to a school bell.

So what if I'm far from a tween. So what if her dad was popular when I was her age. Say what you will, her beats keep me boppin' while I trot through the snow.

Don't hate. Just "Let go-oh-oh!"

ok all you lurkers....

Don't be shy! Go on, comment away! We would love to hear from you! And, maybe it will give me a little kick in the bootay-- I seriously could use one this week. I'm in a bit of a rut.